It is a sad , but indisputable fact that half of the marriages in our nation will fail.

So many people find a person they feel comfortable with, enjoy time with, and build a vision of what their lives could be like in the future together.   However, for every reason, half of the married people decide that the union of these two souls needs to end.   This now leaves two people, once joined, alone and confused.   This confusion is often manifested in a few questions:   How do you get over a divorce?   Do you?   Can you?   How?   Why, or why not?

Obviously, these are pretty hard questions.   If they were easy, divorce would be a lot more than 50%.   But, let me give it a shot.   To give you an idea of my perspective, let me give you a little background.   I am 41.   Four years ago, I got divorced from a woman who decided she loved another more than me.   It was a thirteen year marriage that produced two wonderful children.   The break-up tore me apart.   I was confused and upset.   Once I accepted the finality of the situation, I began asking the questions listed above.

How do you get over a divorce? 

Well, for me, it was a matter of looking at the marriage, the wife, the divorce as a long, drawn out, yet incredible learning experience.   There were things about the marriage and my ex-wife that worked well for me.   There were things that, obviously, did not.   I learned what I needed in a spousal relationship.   And, I learned that I could not settle for less than what I needed.   Alternatively, I now know what I can give in a spousal relationship, and what I cannot.

So, this leads to the question, ‘Do you get over divorce? ’   That one is truly personal.   In my particular case, the answer is «Yes.»   However, it took considerable soul searching.   It took me about a year.   I had to look into myself and realize that I have a lot to offer.   I am a good man, honest, caring and helpful.   As long as readers can come to the same sort of conclusions after some self-examination, they should be able to say, «Yes» also to the question of «Can you?»

Getting over a divorce is a time consuming process.

The process is necessary, though.   To fly directly into another relationship with no time for what psychologists call the mourning process would be tragic.   There is much to be learned from a little reflective thinking.   That way, mistakes made probably won’t be repeated.   You will have greater knowledge of what you need and desire in a potential mate.   Thereby, don’t settle for less.

To not take some time to reflect could lead to depression.   After all, there was a commitment made, visions shared, a home established, plans made, etc. etc.   Now, its gone.   Of course, there will be a vacuum.   In this moment, there is a choice.   The first choice is to sit and dwell on all that is lost.   Look back and see all the hopes and dreams now in ashes.   The second choice is to look forward.   Take the experience that brought you to this point, and realize it was an expensive class in the University of Life.   As with any college course, we learn; but, the object is to apply what has been learned.

How to get over a divorce can be complicated, but possible.   Life isn’t easy folks.   Live, learn, and apply.   Look forward to sharing life with a person more to your needs.   Be positive and utilize the experience you have had.   With that knowledge, the odds of success the second time around will be greatly improved.   Best wishes!

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