There are many reasons why at some point or another in our lives we’ve decided that the old brown shoe of an ex lover we tossed (or got kicked out by) is startin’ ta look pretty mighty fine once again.   Perhaps that girl who dumped you for lack of commitment reasons finally made you realize she’s the one and now you want her back.   Maybe your new guy is far worse then the one you just broke up with and your gal pals are telling you what a huge mistake you’ve made and to get your ex back.   With a little bit of effort and good timing this can be accomplished fairly easily unless of course you are the severely emotionally unstable, fatal attraction types for which I would simply recommend massive amounts of counseling and/or anti-depressives.   For the rest of us here’s what you do:

Step 1:  

Do not chase them.   What happens when the family dog gets loose and runs down the road with you screaming and yelling like a crazy person after them?   They keep running even faster.   Instead, if you stop chasing them and walk slowly back to the house the dog will stop and playfully trot back after you.   It’s the same exact thing with people.   Do not call the other person and bug the living hell out of them thereby forcing your ex to get a restraining order.   Just be patient and they will come to you when you’ve taken the next few steps.    You have to prepare first before making contact.

Step 2:

Get a major overhaul.   When you want to sell that old car or couch on Craig’s list what do you do?   You clean it up, fix it, make it look new so as to make it more attractive to the prospective buyer.   The same needs to be done to you.   Get a huge makeover.   Get your hair cut and highlighted, your nails done, your beard shaved in a new unique fashion, some new clothes, new make-up, new piercings, new everything -whatever it takes.   Now go out and make some new friends, get some new exciting hobbies or sports or maybe even a new job.   Now you look great and have something to talk about: a recycled new you.

Step 3:

Public Appearances.   Now that you are ready, you have to make yourself available in public to get your ex back.   When you do this please have the biggest smile on your face at all times and easily laugh at the slightest provocation.

In my undergraduate degree I took a course in human sexuality and in one study conducted  90% of the subjects

were attracted to pictures of people smiling and laughing over people that were not showing any emotion regardless of their good looks.   Who wants to hang out with a  cranky pain in the butt?   Maybe Grandma starving for any type of attention but certainly not your ex.   Go to public places where they might be with a new guy or gal you can use for a «stand-in» new love interest.   Be a little flirty with the new love interest (which must be way hotter than your ex) but not too flirty because you want to arouse slight interest but not a ton of jealousy.

People want what they can’t have but they also like to know there’s still a slight chance for them to get back in there.   Put new pictures of yourself in exciting new places on your blog, facebook, or my space accounts.   Inevitably curiosity will get the best of them and they will call you.   Now this is key.   When they call you act incredibly happy to hear from them and apologize for not calling them because you’ve been so busy.   If they think you’ve been out and about living life to the fullest you will appear more interesting.   If you’ve done nothing but pine for him at home while watching romance movies you’re not doing yourself any favors.   You have to sell yourself like a new blackberry.   Make sure the conversation is very short and make a half-hearted breathy comment on how you have to get together soon and hang up first.   This is important so it leaves them wanting more of you.

Final Step:   Bagging it.

To completely clinch getting him or her back you have to have a pretend argument with the new stand-in you were seen with in the last step.    Call up your ex and appear slightly upset about something Miss Stand in did that was just completely unreasonable.   Everybody likes to be needed and play the handyman able to fix your little problem with a tender shoulder to cry on.   More than likely your ex will offer an empathetic ear and suggest talking about it over coffee.   When you meet for coffee to talk about it look your best and don’t drag out every detail and whine like a dog.

  Instead mention the occurrence slightly and then change the subject to them and how great they look and what they’ve been up to.   Everyone loves to talk about themselves.   Magically fade out all conversation about the stand in and focus on flirting with your ex and drop hints that it was so much better with them.

Before you know it getting your ex back will be in the bag.   After the first coffee talk inevitably they’ll be another get together to just hang out and talk over drinks and during this time make sure that stand-in gal/guy gets lost along the way.   Do a little flirting and there you have it.   You’ve clinched it!   Congratulations and enjoy your new life together.

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